My actions scare some people. They think I'm a lunatic, crashing into their life at all the wrong moments, destroying what they've tried to piece together for themselves out of the ashes of what they thought was a ruined relationship.
Uhhh, did you forget the promise I made? Did you forget the first vow?
"I promise to protect" is how it started. I wasn't kidding. I was more than not kidding, but how could you know that?
Fast forward a couple of years - there is a dog, a cat, a boy, and some other person in your life. Suddenly, it is like someone came home from war, they're not acting like the man you knew, they are a ghost, they don't belong in your life. It isn't fair of them to stumble in drunk around THAT birthday time. It isn't okay for them to show up unannounced. Life isn't like the movies, they won't be able to pick up all the pieces, fix the love that was lost, stolen, broken and scattered. Life doesn't work this way!
Or does it?
Dear reader, dearest reader especially... did it ever occur to you that maybe, just MAYBE, magic is real? That the way we interact together, the way each and every person on the planet comes together to support this ball of molten metal floating through space... that maybe THAT is the magic that keeps us from dropping out of existence? The belief that we can make it happen. The desire to make it happen. The sheer determination to see something through to the end.
I'm a fool. I didn't understand what I was getting myself into, not at the time. I misused words, I abused trust, and I forgot what it meant to be loved and to love back. Until someone told me it was over, that it wasn't what we'd imagined, that we'd loved and lost and that you were on to something new.
Good thing that other part of you has different plans. You see, I didn't write "I love you" on that back. I didn't write just your name. I married a human being, not a robot. I married a hot-blooded hellcat who has a soft and tender kitten side as well. No amount of money or offers of power or ability would keep me from that sort of magic, that sort of love. So the timing was off, I'll pay for that, gladly. So you're angry at me... can I at least try to make it up? I know I'm writing to empty space, that the intended reader may never even see this, but still, just like with Atrus, I must write and describe the experience of my life, with and without you here.
Love IS magic. It doesn't exist tangibly, but it radiates from the inside of everyone. Sometimes love is mistaken for hate. Sometimes a dream feels like a nightmare. In my case, I've launched myself full force into the nightmare because I heard someone dear to you scream.
You may call me idiotic, a total and complete ass. I am. Always have been. I'm training myself in your absence not to be so stupid, so that there is no more cyclic back and forth, in and out, there and gone, because that isn't fair to anyone, especially the little ones in life. But don't think that the fear you feel is misplaced. You're supposed to be afraid, but not of me. Be afraid of how much someone could possibly love you to disappear and come back with everything you ever lost.
I'm probably not making sense to half the people that read this. The other half are probably munching on cereal or donuts, salad or candy bars. Me? I'm making tuna salad, listening to music, and trying to organize my life, instead of running full tilt toward the only Woman that ever convinced me that I was incomplete without her.
Just because I have no Fear doesn't mean I don't have Common Sense. It just so happens that common sense, like magic, is as rare as it is common. Think on it, because I'm getting dizzy from lack of food.